10 things I don’t like about my physical appearance.
1. I want longer hair.
2. I want it to be just a shade or two lighter like when I was young so I spend all my time in the shade now.
3. I want better skin. Mine is oily, dry, blotchy ugh. I want a nice complexion.
4. I don’t like the shape of my eyes. I want Effy’s eyes from Skins.
5. My nose is huge.
6. I wish I was just a little more tanned than I am. Just so I’m not pale as death.
7. I wish I had a more defined waist instead of a muffin-top.
8. Even though I like the over all shape of my legs, a little smaller/thinner would be nicer.
9. I hate my nails. They’re short and brittle and just horrible.
10. I wish I had thinner hands,wrists, fingers etc etc. I can never find a ring/bangle to fit me and bracelets that hang off other girls are tight on me.
I’m finished secondary school forever and I just wanted to write some of my thoughts down…
1 year in pre-school, 8 years in primary and another 5 in secondary. And now, after 14 years of schooling, I’m finished. I’ll never be going back to that place to sit in a classroom and listen to a teacher, write notes or do an exam. I was lucky in that the school I went to was okay as schools go. Most of the teachers are good, it was small and we even had a nice uniform as uniforms go. I’ll miss sitting there at lunch with my friends and making jokes, I’ll miss humming christmas songs in Maths, doing mexican waves with my friends in Biology and telling all our nerdy science sci-fi jokes with my chemistry teacher and class. I’ll miss talking to my friends everyday and I’ll miss the epic bus trips we had everyday to and from school. It has taught me a lot. And not just in an academic sense, like how to structure an English essay, learning Irish and French proverbs or just exactly what is calculas. It taught me so much about who I am as a person, who my real friends are and what people in today’s world are truely like.
And as much as I bring myself to try, I can’t. And so I say this with a tinge of regret that I will not miss most of the people I have spent everyday with for at leat the past 5 years, if not the last 14 years. Sparing the good, fair people I like to think of as friends, the rest are ignorant assholes who think drink and fags are the only thing in this world. They look on me as a stubborn girl who knows too much for her own good - the know-it-all - who doesn’t play sports. Because everything in my school is based around sports.
But I have two words for you all.
I have spent the last 14 years learning and I’m now becoming the person I am happy to be. You see me as the girl who did nothing with her childhood but be socially awkward, the girl who read all the books but didn’t play football, the girl who didn’t have any normal friends in the school.
But what you don’t know is I had friends 10 times beter than yours outside of it. You all live in a bubble. A bubble of your circle of friends. But the truth is when we all end up going to college, you’ll still be just that. Barely scraping through it, thinking you’re great cause you go out every night and still be as narrowminded as the day you were born.
And I really cannot stand ignorance.
This is my cynical, angry side coming to the fore. I’m not really such a bitchy person. I try to be nice and I really do try to be a friend to everyone.
But when someone judges me by what people have told them. When someone does’t even bother to get to know me because they know I have the image of a good girl. I’m sorry, but I don’t need that in my life.
I am a strong person. I will always speak my mind and help those who can’t, even though most of the time, it doesn’t help people’s opinions of me. But lately it has. People can see who I am now. And I can’t wait for you all to see what I can really do.
I want my time to be here. Please let it be so.
And so I leave all I hate about my school behind me. I’ll only take the good with me. <3
Have something a little personal that no one will care about.
Feelings in a nutshell.
No one will ever understand how annoying and saddening it is to see that my family still doesn’t trust/think I’m responsible.
I can always say that I have never ever given my parents reasons to not trust me and even ore than that, I have always done what they say and gotten good results in school. I am a quiet child and even though I am far from perfect, I’ve never once caused them hassle and the most I’ve asked them for in the last few months in the line of socialising is being allowed go to a concert in Dublin with my best friend, her friend and her mom or being allowed go to a classmate’s 18th for a few hours before coming home while the rest of them would have gone out to the nightclub in town (which by the way, I backed out of cause I didn’t want to hassle them for a lift home when I couldn’t find one.) They trust me so much at times but then if I ask can I go somewhere with friends outside of the “regular” group of friends I have, it’s Lock the doors, I don’t know about that now…
But I’ve taken it that they were protective and instead, don’t socialise or drink or smoke or do drugs and wahay, I have limited myself to a very small circle of friends but I’m okay with it cause they mean well…
But now, the younger of my two older sisters has finally confessed that after all the years of trusting me that apparently I’m irresponsible. And that hurts.
And instead of ringing my friend and telling them or something, I’m blogging… because you are my friends. And I love you all so much for even putting up with this or anyone who even decides to read this but more than anything, I need to tell someone.
I think that’s it. Night. xxx
My weekly round up. :) Week 10th - 16th of January
So another week gone and thank god it’s over! :)
It was shit cause I had to do my Christmas tests (After christmas?) but it was brilliant cause so much awesome stuff happened to me! :’)
Monday: I did my Irish (scored an 85% on that! )and Home Ec tests. :)
Tuesday: I did my English and Biology tests. That rocked cause we had figured out the biology test so we knew a lot of the answers. Also, I forgot one of the answers and I didn’t even have the slightest clue why a protease enzyme was used so I wrote down: “The onion liked the DNA so he tried to put a ring on it but it turned out the DNA wasn’t a single lady :(” Hope my biology teacher likes it! XD
Wednesday: I did my French and Maths (A drastic 58% on that but I’m in honours so it’s not terrible.) test. Got home, went on Twitter and found out I’M MEETING ALL TIME LOW IN MARCH. AHHHHH! Also got to order some make up and beauty stuff of E.L.F. I’m excited for it to come! :’)
Thursday: Flew through my Chem test in the morning. :) Then we got a double lunch instead of one cause we were finished our tests before the normal classes let out. Also, my vice principal pulled pranks on everyone (incl. me) involving a skeleton sitting in his office chair with a cigerette in his mouth and a can in his hand. It made me laugh. After lunch, we had english but our teacher was away so we had a free class. We got to sit around talking and messing and I also had to chug almost 2 litres of water with 2 other girls as part of a prank. My stomach regretted this decision. XD
Friday: Had a normal day of classes. I had book club after school which was relaxed but good fun and when I came home, I did some homework and watched Sherlock Holmes.
Saturday: Slept in. Got up and had dinner. Did my make up, did some more homework while watching inception this time and then we went into our local town. I got some Burt’s Bee’s Cuticle Balm (Which I’ve used twice and found only okay. I’m hoping it’ll get better cause it cost €7 something) and some Simple Moisturiser (Which is AMAZING. Hydrating but not greasy! And only €2.80! 10 out of 10!)
Sunday: Went to mass, had dinner. Gonna sit on the internet for the rest of day. Maybe go baking whenever I get bored around 4 like always and do my maths homework this evening! :)
Things I’m doing this week!
Wednesday: Traditional Singing classes.
Why am I everyone’s relationship guru?
I give everyone relationship advice and generally I’m right.
I’d be a damn good girlfriend.
Pity I amn’t one. :(
Don’t walk away like you always do this time.
So I guess I hurt your feelings today, did I?
Did I say something a little too honest or is it cause I’m wrong?
Well I don’t know, like always, cause guess what? You walked away. Like always.
Is it so hard for you to actually confront me? Confront your feelings about me? Your friend?
I refuse to let you walk all over me. You don’t care about me and you only ever want to talk about you. and from the impression you give, you’re the only thing that exists in your head.
And to tell the truth, I’m shit sick of it. Get over yourself or just end this now.
Cause unlike you, I won’t cry over this. I’ll get on with me life instead of being meladramatic about everything.
Damnit girl, I love you to bits. I just wished you actually cared about me.
I’m glad I got that off my chest.
So it’s a new year and even though every one is new year, new me, I actually am gonna use this year to sort myself out, metally, emotionally and hopefully physically.
I’m doing my final exams in school this year so I really have to sort my shit out and be ready for the exams in June cause I have a reputation to live up to.
I’ve decided I’m gonna do personal posts on Tumblr a bit more, like once a week but I’ll put them under a Read More cut so they won’t clog up your dashboards.
All my internet life is gonna have to take a bit of a backseat but I’ll still come on as often as I can to talk to all the wonderful friends I have on here, cause without you guys, I’d probably be crying in a corner somewhere and I mean that.
So if you read this, thanks for taking time out of your lives to read my miserable drivel and if not, well I can see why you don’t want to read the emotional ramblings of a 17 year old girl.
So things I hope to achieve this year:
- Lose Weight
- Achieve better vocabulary, annuciation and pronounciation.
- Do well in my final exams
- Make new friends
- Get my course in college
- Sort my head out emotionally
- Go to at least 3 concerts.